i think i have herpe
just one?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
