I think I died a long time ago.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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