She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
