Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
