final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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