I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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