ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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