Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
