I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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