I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
