tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Acid is not a monday night drug
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
