Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
