What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
