her vagine was all disorganized.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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