If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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