What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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