Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
