While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
