Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
