2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
