dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
