Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
zippers are such a cool invention
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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