If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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