My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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