This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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