He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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