I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I would fuck him just for his dog
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
