I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My life is pants optional.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
