I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
