The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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