I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
