i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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