I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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