My cat gives me a boner
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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