i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
