Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
