That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
