In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
