Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
