We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
