Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
