Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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