Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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