there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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