i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
