my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
