Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
