Got a toothbrush?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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