I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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