I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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