I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
