hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she looked like the before picture.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
